Bread from Heaven on….

DATING Cont.'d

By Evangelist J.K. Hamilton

IS THIS A GOOD TIME?

I’ve seen too many times people who are afraid or just reluctant to spend time with themselves go from one “dating” relationship to the next without taking time to recoup from the previous one.  This often leads to a compacting of unresolved and unsettled feelings, emotions and perceptions that are often carried from one relationship to another.  Compacted pain.  Compacted pleasures.   Compacted feelings.  The “New Date” now has to compete with everything good, bad or indifferent from the previous relationship.  This is an injustice to both parties.   There indeed is a time for everything and it is up to each person to move into a relationship when it’s time and to decline a dating relationship when it’s not time.   When dating takes place out of time… it depreciates in purpose.  A relationship that could potentially have been a blessing now becomes another learning scar for both parties involved.  Taste another tidbit from heaven regarding time.   In the same chapter of Ecclesiastes it says “He has made everything beautiful in its time…” (ch 3 verse 11).  Wow!!! That means that even something as risky (to some anyway) as dating can be beautiful…in its time.   Timing is essential to process.  Sometimes when dating relationships fail or end in disaster, its possible that incompatibility may not have been the problem but rather timing.  Even something as sweet as a grape if plucked from the vine too early produces sour rather than sweet.  There is a right time;  Knowing that time is sometimes difficult.  Accepting that time is an even greater challenge.  Yet if dating is going to follow a purposeful process…  Timing makes a difference.  Patience must prevail over loneliness.  Delayed gratification is strengthened by the faith that whatever blessing God has for you in the bush will be there until you’re ready for it.   Impatience prolongs the process of dating and distorts the purpose of dating.  Timing.  If you were just blinded in a previous relationship it may not be time to start leading in a new dating relationship.  There is a time to heal (Eccl 3:3).  If you’re trying to run while you should be healing you actually prolong the healing process.  Timing.  Timing. Timing.

Bread from Heaven on….

DATING

By Evangelist J.K. Hamilton

Introduction:

It becomes very difficult to teach or investigate the subject of dating if you’re looking for the scriptures to spell it out.  A look in the bible does not leave us with a whole lot of information on the subject of dating.   However, the bible is full of principles of relationship building and dating most certainly fits under that category.  The ingredients needed in the dating process are essentially the same ingredients needed to build and maintain any good relationship.   There are however, some other principles that we will explore pertaining to finding a life partner that may aid in the process of mate selection.  There are many questions that arise when it comes to dating.   Incidentally, the majority of those questions are asked by women.  More than men, women seek to understand the ins and outs of dating and relationships while men seek the ins and outs of simply having a woman.  Men are more bottom-line while women are more interested in process. This of course is a generalization that may not be applicable in every situation.   Through this article I want to explore and observe behaviors, mentalities, perceptions and assumptions made in dating and receive what heaven has to say about the issues of dating. 

Dating: A Process with Purpose

Before we commence any further, perhaps it’s necessary for “dating” to be defined.  What exactly is meant by the term “dating”?  If a survey was taken there would undoubtedly be several different definitions given by various groups.   The formal definition of dating is “to have social arrangements with” as given by the Webster’s New World Dictionary.  The reality is that no matter how many definitions of “dating” exist out there, there is one thing that each of them have in common and that is all of them have to do with social interaction between persons that have some exclusive significance between themselves.  I will approach this topic from this definitional dimension. Dating is a process.  Relationship building takes time.  Time is an essential ingredient to building a strong healthy relationship.  And because time is irreplaceable and can not be retrieved back once it is used then it is important that just as you would value your time of life… you should value your time dating someone.  Time can’t afford you to walk on a treadmill if you need to be on the highway to get where you’re trying to go. Heaven has something to say about the value of time. The bible declares,  For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. (Eccl 3:1).  From this heavenly nugget a powerful principle can be found even as it pertains to “dating”.

(See next blog for remainder of article.)

The Evangelist’s Mountain View Point on: Marital Communication

The Challenges of Communication in Marriage

Continued

No Communication counts as bad communication

“I don’t like to argue so I just won’t say anything”. This is the sentiment of many husbands who don’t understand a woman’s need to express her self. Often his interpretation of her expressiveness is that she’s “nagging”, “fussing” or “arguing” when in actuality it may simply be that she is expressing her self passionately. When a woman’s expressiveness is misinterpreted in this way, to avoid what appears to be the brewing of conflict, her husband may emotionally “shut down”. He may close his spirit and decide that it is better not to say anything. Though it seems like evading or emotionally running away, it’s actually suppression. When this happens, all of the unexpressed feelings are pushed down and may ultimately build and accumulate within the husband until there is a breaking point. This is usually not a good situation. The truth is that not communicating at all is bad communication. There is always a message being communicated…even in silence. The bible may not necessarily address in detail how a husband should communicate to his wife but he does have a lot to say about communication in general; and what God says in general applies personally. The bible talks about confrontation in Matthew 18:15-20 and the principles are applicable to our marriages. If your spouse trespasses against you… go and tell. In other words, communicate and confront. Of course this does not mean to dismiss the use of tact and discretion but do communicate. I know what you may be saying… “But what if I communicate and she doesn’t listen??” That’s a good question. And to that I have a few replies.

1) Understand that communication is not just sending signals but receiving signals… while it’s important for her to listen, it is equally important for you to listen (as difficult as that may seem at times)

2) Communicate with God as you are attempting to communicate with her. Your communication with God can fan down the flames of frustration as you might begin to feel as if your efforts to communicate are not yielding any fruit. Frustration in a marriage can lead to the temptation to satisfy a temporary problem with a tragic solution. It’s important that if you don’t stay grounded and spiritually connected any other time that you stay connected during frustration.

3) Also keep in mind that you can’t MAKE her respond to you the way you think she should. The Lord has given her a charge to submit to you and subject herself to your leadership (Ephesians 5:21-25; 1 Peter 3:1-7). If she decides to be rebellious and recalcitrant… she will have to answer to God. You can’t force her to respond to you the way you want. You’re her husband and not her father (plus at this point in her life her father couldn’t force her either).

4) Refocus. If the frustration is building and it seems unbearable and you’ve denied suppressing your feelings by attempting to communicate; if it hasn’t been received in a way that was favorable to you…then refocus. That’s right…refocus. You have more to think about, more to focus on, more to be consumed with than your present marital situation. After you’ve communicated with her and God…get busy. Sitting idle thinking about the situation and wallowing in the frustration of the moment can give the adversary a foothold and allow him time to plant seeds of bitterness in your heart. Take a walk, wash the car, go to the gym, go to 7-11 and buy a big gulp, finish a project. Do something while the storm of ill feelings pass.

In conclusion, it’s never right not to do the right thing. You can’t expect to be understood if you don’t open up and communicate husbands. So, men and brethren, don’t suppress, learn to express. You may find that this may be what she wanted all along.

Because you both said “I do”,

J.K. Hamilton

The Evangelist’s Mountain View Point on: Marital Communication

The Challenges of Communication in Marriage

One of the greatest challenges in marriage is communication irregardless to how long you’ve been married. You and your spouse stood before the church, or before the judge and the preacher. You repeated your vows one to another. You exchanged your rings and if you had a fancy wedding you lit the unity candles and were melodiously serenaded by a wedding singer. You were then pronounced as man and wife and told to salute one another with a kiss. You then kiss the lips that would be responsible for communicating things that bring you up and down or not communicating things at all. Time passes by. You spend more time together. The rice and flowers fade. The wedding has ended and now the marriage is in full force. You used to be able to talk for hours on the phone prior to getting married. Now your communication is minimal or if it is existent it only serves to wedge you both further apart. Why does this happen? Why is communication one of the first things to fade in a marriage? What are some healthy and unhealthy ways to communicate? What are some differences between men and women in the area of communication? What are some ways to creatively resurrect dead communication in a marriage? I will attempt to discuss some of these things in this article in the ultimate hope that solutions can be explored and applied in the marriages of those whose happiness is obstructed by poor communication.

I - When the issue is not the “what” but the “how”

“Are you cooking dinner tonight?” he asks, “I took some meat down, okay!!!!” “Why did you think I took it down?!!!” she irritably replies. On the outset it may not seem like there was anything wrong with her response to his question. However, what you can’t hear in this article with the naked ear is that her voice is elevated and it is saturated with sarcasm. In and of itself there was nothing wrong with what she said but it was how it was said that qualifies it as poor communication. Sarcasm, a form of mockery, is a passive-aggressive way of expressing anger. When a woman uses sarcasm with her husband it can be a very belittling experience for him. This is NOT okay. It is NOT a good practice to use sarcasm as a way to communicate. Neither is raising your voice as if to yell. When a husband feels derided on by his wife he may inwardly and secretly resent her for the way her communication makes him feel. Without knowing it, she burns the bridge of communication that she may soon have to cross. He may not say anything, but inwardly he may see her as a “hag with a nag”. With this happens he may look for alternatives to conversing with her lest his questions are met with sarcasm and hostility. This kind of communication can happen for so long that it can begin to seem “normal”. She may ask, “what was wrong with how I said that?”. She will begin to lose her sense of reason and her objectivity. She may then fully embrace that way of communication even to the point of assuming that the problem is with her husband’s level of sensitivity and not her poor communication. When these thinking disorders solidify it may become even harder for the situation to change. The bible has something to say about the “how” of communication that is just as applicable to marriage as it is in general. Solomon says “A soft answer turneth away wrath, but grevious words stir up anger.” Proverbs 15:1. Look at this same text in a simpler version. “A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare” Proverbs 15:1 (NLT). Wives…practice saying things in ways that do not belittle or debase your husband. After all, he’s your husband not your son. “Well if he starts acting like a man I will talk to him as a man”, you may be thinking. Well tell me… how much experience has the Lord given you in being a man? If you’re not careful to change your manner of communication you may find that you solidify in your ways. When this happens then the scripture will be fulfilled that says…. It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house (Proverbs 21:9). Let’s look at the same text from a few simpler versions…

It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home. (The New Living Translation)

It is better to live in a corner on the roof than inside the house with a quarreling wife. (The New Century Version)

Better to live alone in a tumbledown shack than share a mansion with a nagging spouse. (The Message)

So, wives and soon to be wives… try not to communicate in a way that makes the housetop a good idea, or that turns the attic into a refuge or a shack into a peaceful getaway. (smile)

Continued on next blog.

J.K. Hamilton

Are we ALWAYS entitled?

The word “entitled” simply means having a right or prerogative in a certain situation or predicament. There are many situations that arise in life that give us a sense of entitlement. For an example, when we take a purchase back to a retailer we are entitled to get a refund. When we file our taxes and it pans out that the government owes us a return; we are entitled to a refund check. When we put in the time and work a 40 hour week we are entitled to a compensation check. Our entitlement creates within us an expectation to receive something or to be allowed to something. It is socially acceptable to take advantage of what we are entitled to. If someone mistreats us… we are entitled a chance to retaliate (according to society) within certain guidelines. When some one upsets us, we are entitled (again, according to what is socially acceptable in this world) a chance to express ourselves in a way that makes them aware that we are upset. However, as a child of God, are we ALWAYS entitled to these kinds of things? Do we have the right (as a Christian) to mistreat those who mistreat us? Are we entitled (as Christians) to an apology before we decide to forgive someone? Are we entitled to ground someone to dust with our words because they did something that we considered to be careless? Are we entitled to disrespect someone because everyone else does?

The answer to each of the questions listed above is a resounding NO!!!! Let’s break down what the apostle Paul says in Ephesians 4:32 “AND BE YE KIND ONE TO ANOTHER….” This means that we don’t have the right to mistreat anyone regardless of their situation. God simply says… BE KIND. The word "kind" means of a sympathetic or helpful nature. This means that our attitude should always be one that seeks to help and not hurt… build up and not tear down, strengthen and not weaken. If this is what God expects of us as Christians, then this means that we give up any entitlement to treat others in ways that are not sympathetic or helpful. This is not as easy as it sounds. As a matter of fact it is quite easy to be kind to people who are “Ok” in our book. Yet when it comes to those who do not have attractive personalities God basically says “Give up your sense of entitlement to mistreat or disrespect this individual”. This is one of the greatest challenges of Christianity. However, practical Christianity demands kindness to one another unconditionally. No matter what the nature of the relationship, genuine Christianity demands kindness. It demands a relinquishing of your entitlement to mistreat and disrespect. The next word in our text (Ephesians 4:32), is “TENDERHEARTED”. The word that the apostle Paul uses in it’s original language is eusplagchnos. Thomas Nelson’s illustrated bible dictionary defines it as easily moved by another’s distress. The truly tenderhearted Christian can not bring him or her self to mock someone in their distress. As a Christian you are not entitled to embrace a “that’s what you get” mentality. As a matter of fact, you don’t want to see a person in distress even if they have caused you some distress. As you are reading this, you may say “this can’t be realistic, there is no one who can have a heart for those who have hurt them or who is the cause of their own trouble”. These are the words of the enemy. God would not ask or demand that we do or be something that is impossible for us to fulfill. A tenderheart comes from a person who has the gift of sensitivity to others. This is the same spirit that Jesus demonstrated on the cross when while they were nailing him he cried “father forgive them for they know not what they do” .

Until next Blog,

J.K. Hamilton

When you're confused...just be still!

"And Moses said unto the people, fear ye not, stand still

and see the salvation of the LORD, which he shall

show to you today: for the Egyptians whom ye have

seen today; you shall see them again no mor forever"

Exodus 14:13 KJV

I'd be the first to admit that occasionally I find myself in some challenging dilemmas. I don't have or know all the answers to things that unpredictably come up in my life. I don't even know where to begin looking for the answers. Occasionally I find myself immobilized by confusion. Usually those are times when I'm in a crisis....at the cross road of making a decision. Do I jump on this business venture or should I leave it alone? Do I confront this situation now or do I wait to see if the situation just fizzles out? Decisions, decisions, decisions!! Career decisions; relationship decisions; business decisions, ethical decisions, decisions about children, marriage, investments and the list seems eternally long. Every so often you can find yourself immobilized by confusion. Being confused can be very frustrating and fearful and can create pressure to act thoughtlessly and carelessly. When Israel ended up between their rock and their hard place with the Red Sea before them and the Egyptian army behind them they became fearful and began to complain. Too often this is our response to being confused. Some of us are not accustomed to NOT being in control of situations in our lives... being in control is a defense mechanism of safety for many of us. Anyway, Moses told them to be still and see God's salvation. God wanted them to see what he was going to do. He wanted them to witness him introduce their dilemma to his deliverance and they could not do that if they were busy trying to make their own way out.

When you're confused...don't move. If you don't know what to do, where to go or what decision to make then don't move at all. You can't be trusted when you're confused...not even by yourself. Perhaps you've prayed about it and you're still confused. BE STILL and SEE GOD. Your crisis is not going anywhere, your dilemma will be there when you decide to move. Don't feel that you have to move on everything right away all of the time. A decision made behind the veil of confusion can be harmful to yourself and others. Be still, and see what God says. Hear his voice, watch what he does. Don't surrender to your Egypt and don't jump into the sea before the Lord parts it. When you're confused...Be still.

Until next blog,

JK

Have you prayed about it yet?

"Be anxious for nothing but in all things by prayer

and supplication with thankgiving, let

your requests be made known unto God."

Phil 4:6

Someone once said, "When it rains, it pours." Life will at times make you a witness to this nugget of social truth. I can testify that it is true sometimes that when it rains in our lives...it pours. Have you ever been in such a fix that the only thing you can do is sit down? You fall into a rut. You drag along through life waiting for something to change about your situation. You know, at times we can feel so helpless and hopeless. We've done all that we feel we can do. We've talked to our boss, we borrowed money, we've called our cousin, we applied for the loan...anything that we believe would change our situation. Sometimes in the hustle and bustle of trying to make life work out....we forget to pray. What?!!!! You mean to tell me that we go through all of the of effort trying to make our situation better and we forget to pray? Yes we do. The power of prayer is often eclipsed by the fear of the unknown, pink slips, doctor visits, marital spats and a host of other things that we have absolutely no control over. Prayer is often used by many as a last resort when in actuality prayer should be the first thing we do when confronted with the unpredicatable trials of life. I was talking to someone who was sharing with me all that he was going through after having lost his job. He shared with me how he applied for unemployment and was waiting for that to come. He shared with me how he had been having some issues with his child's mother and how he intended on dealing with it. He went on to share some decisions that he had to make that would put him in a dilemma. And my question to all that he shared was...have you prayed about it yet?

Whatever it is you're going through. Whatever problem; whatever pain, what ever private storm has you feeling like you don't know if you're coming or going... STOP!! TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND PRAY ABOUT IT!!! God knew you would be in your situation and he can deliver you out. Have you prayed about it yet? That money problem...have you prayed about it yet? That spouse that doesn't get it, have you prayed about it yet? Get back on your feet by getting on your knees and praying about it!!!!!!!

Until Next Blog,

JK

Do you have a “God” pair of eyes?


Because of a stigmatism I wear prescribed glasses. Prior to my stigmatism I can remember being told that I had 20/20 vision. I had a good pair of eyes. However, even then with my pronounced perfect vision… at times I didn’t see right. I had a “good” pair of eyes but I didn’t and even now I don’t always have a “God” pair of eyes. Simply put, I didn’t always see things in the world the way God sees them. You see, I sometimes judge people by their outside appearance. There were times when my pupils lacked purity; my retina lacked righteousness and my cornea was corrupt. In other words, I didn’t see things the way God would see them or people the way God would see them. I would see the wrong that people did even after they were forgiven. I would see their outer appearance to determine whether or not I would deal with them. In 1 Samuel 16:7 God Declares that man looks on the outside but God looks at the heart. When a person has a good pair of eyes he can see really far without having to squint; yet when a person has a “God” pair of eyes they can see their neighbor being blessed without embracing covetousness as Saul did in 1 Samuel 18. When a man has a good pair of eyes he can be tempted to look at how attractive a woman is and see her as prey. Yet when a man has a “God” pair of eyes he can make a covenant with his “good” pair of eyes (Job 31:1) and no matter how attractive she is he can see if she needs prayer. When a person has a “good” pair of eyes they can still be judgmental and hyper-critical. Yet when a person has a “God” pair of eyes they know not to be judgemental but to get the beam out of their own eye first (Matthew 7:1-5). When a person has a “good” pair of eyes they can read the numbers on the utility bill and know just how much money they don’t have to pay the bill; but when a person has a “God” pair of eyes they can see that God will provide all needs according to his riches in glory through Christ Jesus (Phil 4:19). Do you see trial and problems through your “good” eyes or through your “God” eyes? Do you see your hard times and challenges through your “good eyes” or through your “God” eyes? My prayer is often this:

Lord help me to see the world, situations and circumstances, myself and others through
Your eyes so that I do not magnify any problem greater than
You and so that I resist those things that are camouflaged in the pleasure of
Sin; so that I might love those who appear unlovable and forgive those who appear To be unforgivable. May my “good” eyes be my “God” eyes and may I only use them see what you want me to see the way you want me to see it; and I will be careful to give you the Glory and Praise.

In Jesus Name…Amen.

Until the next blog,


J.K.

Another Day...Another Chance!

Psalm 30:2,3
God, my God, I yelled for help and you put me together. God, you pulled me out of the grave, gave me another chance at life when I was down-and-out.

-The Message bible

There is absolutely nothing that you can do about yesterday. It's gone. Any opportunity you missed...gone. Any person you hurt...done. Any mistake you've made....behind you. Any arguement you've had with your spouse or loved one...finished. Whatever your yesterday contained...it's gone. There is nothing that you can do about yesterday but learn from it. And if you are reading this right now you can be thankful that you have another chance!!! You woke up this morning. Better yet...the Lord woke you up this morning. Why? Certainly not because he owed you another day; but because he loved you enough to give you another chance. A fresh start. What are you going to do with today's chance. You won't have it very long. You don't even have 24 hrs left in this chance, this day. Show the Lord that you're grateful. Take this day and make the best of it. Don't let anyone mess up this chance. If you need forgiveness today because of something you did yesterday...seek it. If you didn't do something yesterday that you were supposed to do...do it. If there was something that you needed to say to someone you love yesterday...say it! If you were not the person you should have been on yesterday...be that person today. Celebrate another chance today. Today is another chance!!! Treat it like your last so that when it becomes your yesterday you have no regrets.

Until next blog,

JK

The word still works!!!

It seems that now days there is a decreased appetite for the word in our community. Even with the advent of various bible versions and translations many people still view the bible as something they can not really understand. Some even view the bible as a book that has not modern day relevance. However, I'd have to conclude that if God is eternal why would he author a book that is just relevant for one period in history. I do not believe that the bible, the word of God was only good for biblical times but for all times. Paul says that in 2 Timothy 3:16 that "All scripture is given by the inspiration of God and is profitable for doctrine, reproof, correction and instruction in righteousness." This means that the word works. People can still understand the word and the word can still change people's lives. Why not keep a steady diet of the word of God in your life daily. It still strengthens, it still saves... it still works. There are even teachers and preachers of the word that rely more on motivational anecdotes than the word. The word still works though!! And lives can still be changed!!

P.S. - BEGINNING MONDAY JULY 13TH,2009 A GREAT EVANGELIST WILL IMPART THE WORD. I INVITE YOU TO COME AND BE EDUCATED AND INSPIRED BY THIS GREAT MAN OF GOD ORPHEUS HEYWARD FROM ATLANTA, GA. THE WORD STILL WORKS!!!!!

Until next blog,

JK